1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A
JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do
it outside -- I just finished cleaning!"
2. My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of
the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME
TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going
to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why!"
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Be sure you wear clean underwear in
case you're in an accident."
6. My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep laughing and I'll give you
something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
8. My mother taught me about
CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back
of your neck!"
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach
is finished."
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through
your room."
11. My mother taught me how to solve
PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor
coming toward you, would you listen then?"
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a
million times -- don't exaggerate!!!"
13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF
LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I
can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR
MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like
you do!"
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